1.The research direction does not really fit in my course. It is a writing class I want it to be more focused on discussing about social problem rather than economic or political issue.
2.The first part, which you write about my personal life, is well done. I know it is really hard to write about my life story with limited resources but you did well. I tweaked it a little bit, but you can expand this part. just imagine what your life will be like if you go to China, where everyone and everything is so different from where you grow up. Imagine all the language barrier you facing daily and cultural difference that may cause you trouble and embarrass yourself.
3.please throw out the part about my high school exchanging experience and the content about making foreign friends. Focus on the happy school life I have in china instead. (making friends and erase my childhood pain with a broken family.) And please make it like an comparison to the hard time I have in US making friend and social contact.
4. the research topic should be focused on the cultural diversity that everyone faces. Not the relationship between countries. You can argue about how to break through the cultural difference and language barriers. The social problem caused by diversity. The challenge america is facing as an immigration country and stuff like that.
5. PLESE do not use any reference in this article! it is extremely unnecessary.